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Why so many Christians Divorce (3rd in Balance Series)

April 9, 2010

In the last 25 years I have watched many marriages fall.  Why? 

Was it because they didn’t care what God said?

Was it because they only wanted to do their own thing?

Was it because the spouse abused them terribly?

Was it because they believe it’s all right to divorce if you are not happy?

In most of these cases both parties:

  •       Wanted to serve God
  •       Wanted their marriage to work
  •       Were seeking strength and answers in order to avoid divorce.

So what happened?

I believe that this tragedy is another case of the Word not being taught in balance.

These Christians heard so much about how God loves them, how he understands their hurts and weakness, how his mercy endures forever, how he is so benevolent, how he sent Jesus so sinners can go to heaven, and how he has given them numerous blessings and promises to put them over in life.

So the troubled couple or just one of the spouses went to God in prayer either through the pastor, or the laying on of hands, or privately.  Once that was done, they sat back and waited for God to solve their problem.  They endured their situation expecting God’s deliverance any day.  Time went by and not only didn’t things get better, they probably got worse.

If  both spouses are standing for their marriage, usually one of the them is weaker than the other and will lose patience or faith at some point. He or she then takes matters into his or her own hands and try to find marital bliss elsewhere or they think that a separation or divorce will at least rid them of their problems and they go for it.

If just one is standing for a better marriage or relationship the same thing applies–they get tired of waiting and take matters into their own hands.

Question: How could the church or good biblical teaching–thus biblical thinking help couples resist the temptation to divorce? 

Answer: By always teaching the balance in the scriptures instead of emphasizing the good stuff and once in a while casually mentioning the disciplines required of them.

  •       Had they been taught that when they came to God they were  to  repent of doing  things their way and were to determine to learn to do things God’s way from then on . . .
  •       Had they been taught what the scripture, ‘Not by might, not by power, but by God’s Spirit really means–which is that the Christian receives God’s Spirit and acts according  to it rather that according to their carnal nature . . . (If they would do that they are         guaranteed to win big time, but it will be in God’s time or in due    season, not in man’s time.)
  •       Had the parties involved had just as much teaching about the fact that they were  crucified with Christ and have been raised to new life–the life of Christ in them . .  
  •       Had they had just as much teaching about striving for all purity . . .
  •       Had they had just as much teaching of the biblical attitude that since one died for all, all    ought to live for him . . .
  •       Had they had just as much teach about what taking up their cross means . . . (the  Amp.    V.  says it means to give up your comfort, security, and self-interest and be ruled by God’s love.)
  •       Had they had just as much teaching about the biblical attitude of rather to suffer   than to fail to please God . . .
  •       Had they been thoroughly taught about their witness now and their reward in heaven . . .
  •       Had they been made to understand that there is a time and a season for the benefits mentioned above and sometimes it is time to reap the benefits and sometimes it is   time to suffer because things must be done God’s way and not the carnal way . . .

Had they been taught that these things are what a Christian does and had they been taught it as often as they were taught the above benevolence of God . . .

  •       Many of them would have had the correct mindset–the godly one. 
  •       Most of them would have been able to keep the correct focus–God’s ways not their ways.
  •       Many would have been able to keep their priorities straight–the body of Christ behaves as Christ would, thinks as he does, hates what he hates and loves what he loves.
  •       They would have been able to bolster their courage with thoughts of pleasing God and eventually reaping an abundant harvest–a true reward in God’s timing.  And they would have had the satisfaction of doing righteously.
  •       They would have set a good example.
  •       They would have done their part to keep the family together.
  •       They would not have evolved into a part of society’s problem.
  •       They would not have been guilty of causing emotional hurt for their and other people’s children–divorce is harmful.
  •       They would not have hurt theirs and other people’s children by setting a terrible example.
  •       They would not have chosen to sacrifice their witness and reward in heaven for a temporal better day.
  •       And there’s a good chance that God would have, over a period of time, solved their differences and rewarded them with a satisfactory relationship with their spouse.  If not, at least they would have had the satisfaction of serving god with a true heart.

This is a hard teaching.  This is a powerful.  Look around you.  What do you see?  

  •       Broken families, broken lives. 
  •       Dysfunctional people, dysfunctional families, dysfunctional churches, dysfunctional nations.

 Where did they come from?

  •       Selfish choices.
  •       Ungodly choices.

Lk: 9:23, Rom: 6-8, 2Cor: 5:14, Gal: 2:20, 1Pet: 4:1, Zech: 3:7, 4:6

Disclaimer:  This article is not meant to put a guilt trip on anyone.  If you are divorced and this article makes you feel bad, go to God and talk to him about it until you have peace. God bless you.

© Sylvia Huffnagle

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